Search

Redemptive Grace

Loving Jesus, Loving People….(including even me).

Petticoat Confidence

Yes, I know ‘petticoat’ is a derogatory term used to undermine strong females taking on roles traditionally reserved for men. That’s the point.

Woman, noun. wom·an

Female human. Embodiment of God’s femininity; keeper and giver of love, nurture, gentleness, strength, and tenderness. FIERCE and loyal; comforter.


Screen Shot 2017-08-15 at 4.37.55 PMEvery day I sit with (cautiously) courageous women who speak the hidden secrets of their hearts, trusting that I will tread gently with them into their rawest places.

Inevitably each will come to ask, “Who am I?”

This, above all else, is at the core of the work that is engaged in my counseling office. Sometimes it is a skewed perspective that has harmed her sense of who she is. Other times it is a lack of nurturing within herself. Most all come with gaping wounds inflicted by the carelessness of those meant to adore them. Regardless, each brings with her a pain and confusion that is etched deeply into her features; and it has taught her that who she is, is not enough; that the make-up of the person she is, is maladapted for the space she contains.

So begins the work of unraveling what has been experienced and creating within her an understanding of truest self.

As I look into her eyes and listen with all intuition, my heartfelt desire is that she might catch a glimpse of who she is uniquely created to be simply by sharing this space with me.

Borrow your strength from me until you feel it come alive within you. 

The thing about confidence is this: it is within YOU, but it’s ok to need someone else to help point it out at first. It has been the history of our narrative, (the stories we tell ourselves), that we as women can’t be confident in our individual and collective significance. This is being altered, and it starts with you.

What do you do well? No, really, what are you good at? Without apology, without feeling the need to sensor yourself, what are you passionate about? What ignites that fire inside of you? Take a step toward that and say it out loud.

Go confidently, go boldly in who you were created to be. And if you haven’t figured out who that might be, come see me. We’ll figure it out together.

Advertisements

Hush

The blinking cursor mocks me.

Words that used to flow so freely through my fingertips have become fodder for my imagined critics. Every heart-flutter of intelligent thought that cries out to be written is stopped short of life. Someone might actually read into the cadence of this language, I might be seen.

Writing is the visible outer covering of my heart and soul for the world to discern, but fear has rooted itself deeply. Vulnerability is a risk I suddenly can’t seem to bear. 

Emote. Type. Erase. Repeat.           

 

And still the blinking cursor mocks me. 

 

Unseen: Reclaiming the Eye of the Mind

In all honesty, there is no easy way to dispel the thoughts that come after experiencing evil. It has a sticking pseudo-power that leeches onto the mind’s eye like dust to a wet blanket. Often the imagery left in its wake cannot just be unseen or simply stopped on command in a wandering mind. Only with dogmatic-like persistence, safe vulnerability, and soul reclamation is the experience of freedom from an unjust, evil story available; even then it would seem we are rarely ever truly free of its haunting taunts.


Continue reading “Unseen: Reclaiming the Eye of the Mind”

Inner workings of a dark/bright mind

I am resilient but sometimes I struggle with depression and anxiety.

My brain isn’t always well; there I said it. I don’t know what came first, my trauma or my natural inclination Continue reading “Inner workings of a dark/bright mind”

The Ache Of Christmas

Another year has come and gone, and I find myself in the midst of Christmastime again. The ache of Christmas is Continue reading “The Ache Of Christmas”

Trump, Evangelical, and White: America’s Newest Dirty Words

Beware: there is a whole new host of dirty words hitting the American language this week.

Social media is exploding with an assault on everything majority; Trump and his evangelical followers are at the forefront of that battle right now. As a white, middle-class, evangelical American woman, I am certain I’m not allowed to breathe out loud Continue reading “Trump, Evangelical, and White: America’s Newest Dirty Words”

When My Ego Is Weak

Gripped in a death roll, my mind has been unable to shake the intrusive grasp of darkness. Grief and desire have descended my mind like an unending, unrelenting discourse. Continue reading “When My Ego Is Weak”

True to Self, Present to Soul

True to self, present to soul; possibly validating the ardent sensory of the empath along the way.

Warning: this could very well be a dissenting contemplation of mind, body, and soul.

Today was a day my mind refused to be disciplined. My soul has suffered a blow Continue reading “True to Self, Present to Soul”

The Ask

There are things in this life that I want.

Some are circumstances that I want desperately. Others are desires that I want longingly. Still some are just wants that I crave stubbornly.

I have wanted to be noticed. I have wanted to be saved. I have wanted to be wanted.

I have wanted for more, wanted for less.

 At times it seems that I might never be satisfied with what is.

I have wanted and asked. I have been denied. I have wanted hidden things and refused to acknowledge the want. I have been angry at yearnings unfulfilled.

There have been gifts of inexplicable contentment.

There have been times of having wanted only to be seen and I have come unhinged at my seeming invisibility.

There have been surprises that have come unbidden.

James 4 There has been great confusion when I ask for good things that never come to fruition. I have despised verses like James 4:2-3 “You do not have because you do not ask. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

Having found myself in this position more often than I care to recount, I am in the midst of a life changing experience of wanting and asking. This want is a kingdom want, a heart want, a serving want. A type that I have not known before of such purity.

I have wanted to be a great many things over the course of my life, and as I have come into knowing myself more completely I have returned to the want of my childhood: vocational ministry. For those that know my story (Something I think I will be making known here within the coming year), this is a hard want for me to express; such is the shame that has tried to grip my mind.

I have been slowly and quietly making this want known, albeit without actually asking forPsalm 37 4 it lest I be rejected. Recently, I heard a quiet whisper that came and asked me to ask aloud for the desires of my heart. I asked fully in His name and something changed, at once I have come to experience Psalm 37:4 to be true for me.

In this asking of a desire that matches the heart of my Father, I have found equally great contentment, surprising encouragement, and humble tenacity. I guess what the Bible says is true: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Who knew?!

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑